I haven’t written in awhile basically because I haven’t had anything that I felt urged to say until now.
So most people have no idea where I’m coming from and that is understandable, completely. I get it and I’m proud of my mommy friends but being around new (usually first time bio moms) and the postpartum and frustration I have seen kinda shocks me. I have been putting off writing this in fear of offending someone but I have to say it. I have no doubt it’s hard, we were created to give birth, the idea in no way sounds enjoyable so I commend you. I cared for an infant and a toddler for two years and have had years of experience working with kids and it was tough at first. That kid had no security with me for the first several months, I wasn’t her mom and this sweet pea wasn’t fond of people, she cried all the time for weeks until she came to know me, on several occasions I came home in tears because I thought I would never gain the trust of this baby. Moms realize how good you have it. I believe giving birth is hard and a blessing that God intended but it’s a choice and not the only option and sadly because of this choice to make mini versions of ourselves we have so many orphans in our world because of people who SHOULDN’T BE making mini versions of themselves. I’m guessing the majority of women birth a child in their lifetime. Below are a few things that I guarantee most parents caring for kids who are not biological feel. Birthing a child vs. being a child’s guardian, fostering or adopting.
Birthing a child: you are not alone most women in the world do. Every other friend is having a baby and you can find people to talk to about all the emotions and hard times.
Fostering/adopt: you will find very few who foster/adopt and if they do, are they doing it for the right reasons, and you may have to do so by stalking blogs, you feel alone and outside of the box and most just don’t get it and never will.
Birthing a child: you are showered with baby supplies and things that will make you journey easier.
Fostering/adopting: you may have nothing but a bed and if your lucky a bag of clothes until the very next day in which you scour Wal-mart, Target, thrift store and Goodwill for essentials.
Birthing a child: you have around forty weeks to mentally prepare for a new child being in your home and family.
Fostering /adoption: you can get a call in the morning and a new kid can be in your home in literally a few hours.
Birthing a child: people bring you food and support after the kid is brought home, to the point it annoys you… be grateful for the support and try not to complain about how it’s done.
Fostering to adopt: most likely people don’t bring dishes and very few come to visit unless you ask them probably because they don’t know how to approach this new situation. Remember we have a new family member, we think of them as ours as long as that stay with us. It’s okay to ask some questions and we share what we are allowed.
Birthing a child: your child grew in your tummy and senses security with you, it knows your voice and recognizes you already. And though it may cry and not sleep nights it has a sense of security with you.
Fostering to adopt: the child (especially an infant) has no security with you and this can take time for a child to recognize you as its parent and protector, think about how upset a baby would be, not to mention if it’s a baby born drug dependent.
Birthing a child: you know that under typical normal circumstances, your child will grow up healthy and will spend many good years with you.
Fostering/adopt: You could blink and the child you love and have been raising like your own could be gone.
Birthing a child: the child you love and adore will always be safe in your care.
Fostering/adopt: the child may have to go back home to an environment you will never consider safe or healthy.
Birthing a child: your work allows you to take off for an extended amount of time to bond with your child and if your lucky you get paid time off.
Foster/adopt: you have to call at the last minute to tell them you won’t be in for a day so you can buy everything under the sun and get childcare set up… so you can go back to work the very next day.
Birthing a child: your heart swells with joy and pride to see you child thrive under your guidance and love.
Fostering /adopt: your heart breaks daily to know you have no idea what this child’s future could hold and all the guidance and love you put into parenting could be stripped away.
Some of these things I have faced, all others have faced and I’m sure those I have not yet faced, I will face in the future. I promise I’m not trying to complain. It’s my choice, I love what I do and so you might ask yourself, why do we do it?
Because it’s not about us. I have to remind myself of this daily. I feel like God has lead us to do this. I can’t ignore the passion and draw to the children in our community who need life and love. I may have my own birth children one day but as of now I feel led to help babes who need the opportunity of a better future. It has and will continue to be the hardest thing I have ever done. We have been blessed to have friends and family who are supportive. I had a friend and her family help me purchase some things with out first when she came with only two Wal-mart bags of clothes. I had friends bring me hand-me downs and I have family who is accepting and loving though I’m sure they don’t completely understand why I don’t…just have my own.
But these are just a few thoughts I
think new moms should think about when they start to get down and frustrated. I see post all the time about new moms and how to approach them, or what not to say to the new mommy, but moms here is another perspective of the what could. Though I have been put in some pretty hard spots in just the past seven months and my kid is older. With intentions of one day fostering younger children I am mentally preparing myself for many many more ups and downs. Our roller coaster ride has just begun. 😉